The F O C U S

To remain in your practice takes practice. That is why we practice. Practice makes perfect right? So they say.. Id like to talk to you about the focus that it took for me to endure a vast trip in India alone, during a global pandemic and a racial uproar happening on the front door of every black person in America. 

I went to India in February of 2020. At that time, I had many doubts. I didn’t know what this trip would hold or how I would even hold up during it. Id left America hoping for a change in perception. I had just gotten out of what I thought would be a lasting relationship, and my heart was truly hurting. I just thought if I could somehow keep going everything would be ok, and that’s what I did. I kept going.

During the time I was enrolled in school until the beginning of April I was with someone I had known from America. This helped ease my mind a little, but as corona started to take a toll on the world the energy shifted. I ended up leaving the school, and I was on my own in India. Wow! Here I am thousands of miles away from the people that love me, and I am now forced to navigate my way through and make new friends. This was difficult for me at first. I don’t really like to be in a “small talk” situation. I like to be stimulated mentally if conversations are being had. A lot of what I experienced was asserting myself and demanding respect from a lot of the men I came in contact with. For some reason or another they perceive Western women to be “porn stars” easy and willing to have sex at any moments notice. This was different for me. I knew nothing about the rape culture in India. Im not speaking for India as a whole, but the location I was in Tapovan, Rishikesh area. 

The solar eclipse I experienced what almost turned into an assault. A teacher wanting to make sexual advances towards me because of me bathing in the waterfall nude. Regardless of if I had a robe and 60 scarfs or my bare ass, NO always means NO! It was by the grace that I got out of that situation because the guy was actually Wanted and had assaulted several women before trying to assault me. He used verbiage like “.. let me heal you.. “ and tried to play on my weakness of not dealing with men at that time. 

I was taken in by a family. They were an older couple. They spoke very little English but “Ma” as I called her could cook her butt off! She taught me very quickly a few Hindi words. Stop! And slowly slowly.. I learned very quickly. She was a heavier framed woman and she didn’t walk around much because of her swelling in her ankles. I became useful in my youth and felt right at home. She reminded me a lot of my grandmother and aunties when they would all get together and cook for the family. 

I made what I thought were friends and lost them. I didn’t understand what I do now then. It hurt me because all I wanted to do was feel normal. Meanwhile everyone around you can’t seem to grasp the feelings you feel. 

I was approached by my Australian friend Sam about Mr. Floyds murder. Sam is a very light guy and so his delivery was in a very light way. I went in my hotel room at that time and cried. I didn’t know what to do. I watched the video and just couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The riots started and all I could do was pray helplessly. That was my true moment of surrender. 

Ill leave you with this, even when It looks bad or things seem like they aren’t going to change keep your mind focused on the prize. The end always justifies the mean. 

I appreciate you sharing these moments with me. Be sure to connect with me on all the social platforms. Im working on building my podcast content! 

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YouTube.com/phree 

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